One day, a man walks into a dentist's office and asks how much it will cost to extract a wisdom teeth. "Eighty dollars," the dentist says. "That's a ridiculous amount," the man says. "Isn't there a cheaper way?" "Well," the dentist says, "if you don't use an aesthetic, I can knock the price down to $60." Looking annoyed the man says, "That's still too expensive!" "Okay," says the dentist. "If I save on anesthesia and simply rip the teeth out with a pair of pliers, I can knock the price down to $20." "Nope," moans the man, "it's still too much." "Well," says the dentist, scratching his head, "if I let one of my students do it, I suppose I can knock the price down to $10." "Marvelous," says the man, "book my wife for next Tuesday!"
The last chicken
A man goes to a restaurant and orders a chicken dish. By the time the food is ready and he is about to eat, the waiter comes back and says, "Sir, I'm afraid there has been a mistake. You see, that police officer who is sitting at the next table is a regular customer of ours and he usually orders the same dish. The problem is, this is the last chicken in the house. I'm afraid I'll have to take this dish to him and arrange for another dish for you!"
The guy gets really upset and refuses to give up his food. The waiter walks over to the other table and explains the situation to the officer. A few minutes later the officer walks over to the man's table and says, "Listen and listen good. That is MY chicken you are about to eat and I'll warn you, whatever you do to that chicken I'll do the same to you. You pull out one of its legs, I'll pull out one of yours. You break one of its wings, I'll break one of your arms!"
The man calmly looks at the chicken, then sticks his middle finger in the bird's rectum, pulls it out and licks it. He then gets up, drops his pants, bends over and says, "Go ahead!"
The difference between having Guts and having Balls...
Guts is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"
Balls is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next."
Lil' dirty one!
This little boy goes up to his dad and he says "Dad?, What's the difference between Potentially and Realistically?" To which the father replies "Well son, go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then you ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then you ask your brother if he would sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars." So the boy goes up to his mom and asks her if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars and the mother replies "Oh my god, of course I would, he is so good looking!" So the boy moves on and asks his sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and she replies "He is so fucking fine, of course I would!" Then last but no least he goes up to his brother and asks him if he would sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars, his brother says "Of course I would, who wouldn't for a million bucks?" So he goes up to his dad and says "I think I learned the difference between potentially and realistically" "Well what's the difference?" says the father. "Well, potentially we're sitting on 3 million dollars, realistically we're living with 2 sluts and a fag!"
Remember?
A woman awakes during the night, and her husband isn’t in bed with her. She goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. "What's the matter, dear?" she asks. "Why are you down here at this time of night?" The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly. "Yes, I do," she replies. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?" "Yes, I remember," says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continues, "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?’" "I remember that, too," she replies softly. He wipes another tear from his cheek and says, "I would have gotten out today."
Screwdriver!
The limousine was taking the beautiful, raven-haired model to the airport. Halfway there, the front tire went flat. The model said, "Driver, I don't have time to wait for road service. Can you change it yourself?" The driver said, "Sure." He got out of the car and proceeded to change the tire, but couldn't get the wheel cover off. The model saw him struggling and asked, "Do you want a screwdriver?" He said "Sure! But, first I have to change this tire."
Bill and Marla
Bill and Marla decided the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their ten-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighbourhood activities. The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation. "There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he said. "An ambulance just drove by." A few moments passed. "Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out. "Matt's riding a new bike and the Coopers are making love." Mom and Dad bolted upright in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked. "Their kid is standing out on the balcony, too," his son replied.
Today's dumb one!
In a mental institution a nurse walks into a room and sees a patient acting like he's driving a car. The nurse asks him, "Charlie, what are you doing?" Charlie replied, "Driving to Chicago!" The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room. The next day the nurse enters Charlie's room just as he stops driving his imaginary car and asks, "Well Charlie, how are you doing?" Charlie says, "I just got into Chicago." "Great," replied the nurse. The nurse leaves Charlie's room and goes across the hall into Bob's room, and finds Bob sitting on his bed furiously pleasuring himself. Shocked, she asks, "Bob, what are you doing?" Bob says, "I'm screwing Charlie's wife while he's in Chicago!"
Diagnostic
"I can't find a cause for your illness," the doctor said. "Frankly, I think it's due to drinking." "In that case," replied his patient, "I'll come back when you are sober."
Thanks for the gift!
A bride who got a little too drunk at her wedding reception was still determined to say a few words of thanks to the guests for all their presents. She stumbled through a short speech and then slowly turned to point to the presents on display, which included a coffee percolator "And finally" she said "I do thank my new parents-in-law for giving us such a beautiful perky copulator"
Fo those who watched, you'll have a good laugh
True Story... A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob, where's that 6 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did he have to leave the set, but half the crew did too... they were laughing so hard.
The funeral
A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive. She lives for ten more years, and then dies. A ceremony is again held at the same place, and at the end of the ceremony the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they are walking, the husband cries out, "watch out for the fucking wall!'''
"The boat"
It seems that there were twin brothers by the name of John and Joe. John was married and Joe was single. Joe was the proud owner of a dilapidated boat. It so happened that Joe's boat sank on the same day that John's wife died.
A few days later a kindly old lady met Joe on the street, and mistaking him for John said:" I was sorry to hear of your great loss, and you must feel terrible." Joe replied; " Well, I am not a bit sorry. She was a rotten old thing from the start. Her bottom was all chewed up, and she smelled of old fish. The first time I got into her she made water faster that anything I ever saw. She had a crack and a pretty big hole in front that kept getting bigger and bigger every time that I used her. I could handle her all right, but when someone else was using her she leaked like anything. This is what finished her off: Four guys from the other side of town came down looking for a good time. They asked if I could rent her to them. I warned them that she wasn't so hot, but the crazy fools all tried to get into her at the same time. It was too much for her and she cracked right up the middle! " THE OLD LADY FAINTED.
Nice one!
A farmer who's been involved in a terrible road accident with a large truck ended up in court fighting for a big compensation claim. "I understand you're claiming damages for the injuries you're supposed to have suffered?" Stated the counsel for the insurance company. "Yes, that's right," replied the farmer, nodding his head. "You claim you were injured in the accident, yet I have a signed police statement that says that when the attending police officer asked you how you were feeling, you replied, 'I've never felt better in my life.' Is that the case?" "Yeah, but…" stammered the farmer. "A simple yes or not will suffice," counsel interrupted quickly. "Yes," Replied the farmer. Then it was the turn of the farmer's counsel to ask him questions. "Please tell the court the exact circumstance of events following the accident when you made your statement of health," his lawyer said. "Certainly," replied the farmer. "After the accident my horse was thrashing around with a broken leg and my poor old dog was howling in pain. This cop comes along, takes one look at my horse and shoots him dead. "Then he goes over to my dog, looks at him and shoots him dead too. Then he come straight over to me and asked me how I was feeling. "Now, mate, what the hell would you have said to him?"
Are you dirty minded?
Do you have a dirty mind?
Take a look at the picture first...
So, what did you see?
Now proceed and read below to find an explanation of what you really saw.
I'm sure you will find this very interesting.
Research has shown that young children cannot identify the intimate couple because they do not have prior memory associated with such scenario. What they will see are the nine dolphins.
Additional note: This is a test to determine if you already have a corrupted mind. If it's hard for you to find the dolphins within 3 seconds, your mind is indeed corrupted.
Driver's licence
A Mom is driving a little girl to her friend's house for a play date. "Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?" The mother looks over at the little girl, "Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age, it isn't polite." the mother warns. "Ok," the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"
"Now really," the mother says, "these are personal questions and are really none of your business." Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and daddy get a divorce?"
"That is enough questions, honestly!" The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.
"My Mom wouldn't tell me anything," the little girl says to her friend. "Well," said the friend, "all you need to do is look at her driver's license. It is like a report card, it has everything on it." Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are, you are 32." The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?"
"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds." The mother is past surprise and shock now. "How in heavens name did you find that out?" The little girl continues on triumphantly, "And... I know why you and daddy got divorce."
"Oh really?", the mother asks, "Why is that?" To which the girl replies, "Because you got an F in sex."
Little Johnny
A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the stranger turned to Little Johnny and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"
"OK," said Little Johnny. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. "A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
"Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea."
"Well, then," said Little Johnny, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"
A dumb one now!
One afternoon, a man was riding in the back of his limousine when he noticed two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. "Why are you eating grass?" he asked one man. "We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "Oh, come along with me then." the man from the limousine said excitedly. "But sir, I have a wife with two children!" "Bring them along! And you, come with us too!" he said to the other man. "But sir, I have a wife with six children!" the second man answered. "Bring them as well!" So, they all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a vehicle as large as the limousine. One of the poor fellows expressed his gratitude, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you." The rich man replied, "No, thank you... the grass at my place is about three feet tall and I could use the help!"
That's a good one!
"I can't find a cause for your illness," the doctor said. "Frankly, I think it's due to drinking." "In that case," replied his patient, "I'll come back when you are sober."
Marriage counselling!
After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant arguments, young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counselling. They had been at each other's throat for some time and felt that this was their last straw. When they arrived at the counsellor's office, the counsellor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion.
"What seems to be the problem?" Immediately, the husband held his long face down without anything to say. On the other hand, the wife began talking 100 miles an hour describing all the wrongs within their marriage. After 5 then 10 then 15 minutes of listening to the wife, the counsellor went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately for several minutes, and sat her back down.
Afterwards, the wife sat there - speechless. He looked over at the husband who was staring in disbelief at what had happened. The counsellor spoke to the husband, "Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!" The husband scratched his head and replied, "I can have her here on Tuesdays and Thursdays."
Some archeology!
According to archaeologists, for millions of years Neanderthal man was not fully erect. That's pretty easy to understand considering how ugly Neanderthal woman were.
One for your mother in law!
A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and is going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry." The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay, Ma. Guess which one I'm going to marry." She immediately replies, "The red-head in the middle." Stunned, the young man says, "That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?"
"I don't like her," she says.
Good one!
Young Bill was courting Mabel, who lived on an adjoining farm out west in cattle country. One evening, as they were sitting on Bill's porch watching the sun go down over the hills, Bill spied his prize bull fucking one of his cows. He sighed in contentment at this idyllic rural scene and figured the omens were right for him to put the hard word on Mabel. He leaned in close and whispered in her ear, "Mabel, I'd sure like to be doing what that bull is doing." "Well then, why don't you? "Mabel whispered back. "It is YOUR cow."
Don't get security, get a wife!
"Get this." said the bloke to his mates, "Last night while I was down the pub with you guys, a burglar broke into my house. "Did he get anything." his mates asked. "yeah, a broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken nuts. The wife thought it was me coming home drunk."
In the Dirty Jokes series
This poor bloke went to hospital for a circumcision but, because of some fuck up during the operation, he ended up having a complete sex change. All the doctors and nurses had gathered around his bed as he was waking up so they could give him the bad news. Naturally, the poor bloke went to pieces and started crying when they explained what had happened to him. "Shit!" he moaned. "this means I'll never be able to experience an erection ever again!" "Of course you will," one of the doctors soothed. It'll just have to be someone else's, that's all."
In the Dirty Jokes series
On returning from battle in the Falkland Islands, 3 soldiers are asked to report to their commander. The commander states that because of services rendered the army will pay each soldier a sum of £100 pound per inch on their bodies, from one point to another of their choice. The commander asks the first soldier, a special forces commando, how he can measure him up. "I'll have the top of my head, to the tips of my toes, sahr!" replies the man of war. "Excellent," says the commander, that's "70 inches, so here's £7000." Secondly a marine states that he will have the tip of one arm outstretched measured to the other outstretched. "Excellent," replies the commander after measuring the marine, "75 inches, so that's £7500." Thirdly he asks the explosives expert. "I'll have measured the tip of my dick to he end of my balls sahr!" The commander is a little taken aback by this but agrees, and after several seconds down in the private's privates he snaps back up saying "Where in Christ are your balls soldier?!" The soldier smiles at him and says "Falkland Islands sahr!"
Good one!
Bubba was fixing a door and he found that he needed a new hinge, so he sent Mary Louise to the hardware store. At the hardware store Mary Louise saw a beautiful teapot on a top shelf while she was waiting for Joe Bob to finish waiting on a customer. When Joe Bob was finished, Mary Louise asked how much for the teapot? Joe Bob replied "That's silver and it costs $100!"
"My goodness, that sure is a lotta money!" Mary Louise exclaimed. She then proceeded to describe the hinge that Bubba had sent her to buy, and Joe Bob went to the backroom to find a hinge. From the backroom Joe Bob yelled "Mary Louise, you wanna screw for that hinge?' To which Mary Louise replied, "No, but I will for the teapot."
1999 Cadillac De Ville
A man and his wife were driving through country on his way from New York to California. Looking at his fuel gauge, he decided to stop at the next gasoline station and fill up. About 15 minutes later, he spots a Mobil station and pulls over to the high octane pump.
"What can I do for y'all?" asks the attendant. "Fill `er up with high test," replies the driver. While the attendant is filling up the tank, he's looking the car up and down. "What kinda car is this?" he asks. "I never seen one like it before." "Well," responds the driver, his chest swelling up with pride, "this, my boy is a 1999 Cadillac De Ville."
"What all's it got in it?" asks the attendant. "Well," says the driver, "it has everything. It's loaded with power steering, power seats, power sun roof, power mirrors, AM/FM radio with a 10 deck CD player in the trunk with 100 watts per channel, 8 speaker stereo, rack and pinion steering, disk brakes all around, leather interior, digital instrument package, and best of all, a 8.8 liter V12 engine."
"Wow," says the attendant, "that's really something!" "How much do I owe you for the gasoline?" asks the driver. "That'll be $30.17," says the attendant.
The driver pulls out his money clip and peels off a $20 and a $10. He goes into his other pocket and pulls out a handful of change. Mixed up with the change are a few golf tees. "What are those little wooden things?" asks the attendant. "That's what I put my balls on when I drive," says the driver. "Wow," says the attendant, "those Cadillac people think of everything!"
Q&A For Kids!
Q. Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
A. He wanted cold hard cash!
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Q. What did the porcupine say to the cactus?
A. "Is that you mommy?"
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Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A. Frostbite.
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Q. How do crazy people go through the forest?
A. They take the psycho path.
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Q. What do prisoners use to call each other?
A. Cell phones.
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Yo mama's Jokes! Be warned, what will follow contains crude language and critics about yo mama!
Your mom's so fat she can't even jump to a conclusion.
Your mom's so fat, when she dances the band skips.
Your mom's so fat, I have to take a bus a train and a cab just to get on her good side.
Your mother's so fat, her clothes have stretch marks.
Your mother's so fat, she needs a watch on both arms because she covers two time zones.
Your mother's so fat, you could slap her butt and ride the waves.
Your mother's so fat, she needs a hula hoop to keep her socks up.
Your mother's so fat, when she goes to a restaurant she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate.
Your mother's so fat, when they used her underwear for bungee jumping, they hit the ground.
Your mother's so fat, when she goes to a restaurant she looks at the menu and says, "OK"!
Your mom's so fat, when she lays on the beach, people run around yelling, "Free Willie!"
Your mom's so big, she plays marbles with planets.
Your mom's so fat, her belt size is the equator.
Your mom's so fat, she has to buy two airplane tickets.
Your mom's so fat, when she turns around they throw her a welcome back party.
Your mom's so fat she uses a satellite dish as a diaphragm.
Your mom's so fat when she took her dress to the cleaners they told her, "Sorry, we don't do curtains."
Your mom's so fat, the back of her neck looks like a pack of franks.
Your mom's so fat, she sat on four quarters and made a dollar.
Your mom's so big, when the family wants to watch home movies they ask her to wear white.
Your mothers so fat, she was baptized at Sea World.
Your mothers so fat, people jog around her for exercise.
Your mothers so fat, she went to the movies and sat next to everyone.
Your mothers so fat, she's on a light diet...as soon as it gets light out she starts eating.
Your mothers so big that she sat on a rainbow and got Skittles.
Your mothers so fat that when she wore an "X" jacket a helicopter tried to land on her back.
Your mothers head is so big, it shows up on radar.
Your mothers so fat, when she went to the beach, she was the only one that got a tan.
Your mothers so fat your bath tub has stretch marks.
Your mothers so fat, when she stepped on the scale it said, "To be continued."
Your mothers so fat, she got a run in her jeans.
Your mothers so fat, she irons her clothes on the driveway.
Your mothers so fat, she sells shade in the summer.
Your mothers so fat, she left the house with high-heels and came back with flip-flops.
Your mothers so fat, when I got on top of her my ears popped.
Your mothers so fat, she influences the tides.
Your mothers so fat, when she fell over, she rocked herself to sleep trying to get up again.
Your mothers so fat, she was baptized at Marine World.
Your mothers so fat, she has her own area code.
Your mothers so fat, they got her face on the Crisco can.
Your mothers so fat, she stepped on a scale and it said "Sorry, we don't do live stock."
Yo mama so fat, were in her right now.
Yo mama so ugly, her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.
Yo mama so ugly, when she walks down the street in September, people say "Damn, is it Halloween already?"
Yo mama so fat, every time someone say "Kool Aid" she bust through the wall.
Yo mama so fat, her legs are like spoiled milk - white & chunky!
Yo mama so fat, you have to roll her in flour and look for the wet spot to fuck her
Yo mama so fat, she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller
Yo mama so fat, she broke her leg, and gravy poured out!
Yo mama so nasty, I called her for phone sex and she gave me an ear infection.
Yo mama so ugly, she went into an hunted house and came out with an application
Yo mama so ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."
Yo mama so ugly, her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her
Yo mama so ugly, the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
Yo mama so ugly, that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.
Yo mama so ugly, when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours... for a quote!
Yo mama so fat, her nickname is "DAMN"
Yo mama so fat, that she needs a sock for each toe
Yo mama so fat, she eats Wheat Thicks.
Yo mama so slutty, she could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch ball!
Yo mama so slutty, she could suck a golf ball through six feet of garden hose
Yo mama so poor, her face is on the front of a food stamp.
Yo mama's like a refrigerator, everyone sticks their meat in her.
Yo momma is like a bowling ball she gets three fingers, thrown in the gutter, and comes back for more.
Yo momma so fat, scientists have declared her ass to be the 10th planet.
Yo momma's so stupid, she got hit by a parked car.
Your momma's so poor she can't even pay attention!
Your mamma is so fat she's on both sides of the family.
Your mamma is so fat when we were having sex I rolled over 9 times and I was still on the BITCH!!!!!
Yo momma so ugly your Grandma threw her on the street and was charged for littering.
Yo momma so fat the last time she saw 90210 was on the scale!
Yo momma so ugly, she walked into Taco Bell and everyone ran for the border.
Yo momma is like a toilet; fat, white, and smells like shit !!
Yo momma is like a bowling ball, gets picked up fingered, thrown in the gutter and bitch comes back for more.
Your mamma is so poor she was kicking a can down the street, asked what she was doing and she said moving.
Yo momma is like a bottle of ketchup, she gets turned around, banged, and then she comes out slow.
Your mother is like a doorknob.... everyone gets a turn!
Your mom is like a race car driver, she burns 50 rubbers a day.
Your momma is like a vacuum cleaner, she sucks, blows and gets laid in the closet.
Your mothers so fat, they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through a tunnel when they want to clean it.
Yo momma's so stupid she thought a quarterback is a refund.
Yo momma's glasses are so thick when she looks at a map she sees people waving.
Yo momma's hair so greasy when she gets in the car the oil light comes on.
Yo momma is a carpenter's dream...she's flat as a board and she's never been screwed.
Yo momma is so fat she has more chins than a Chinese phonebook.
Yo momma is so fat her blood type is rocky road.
Yo momma is so fat when God said let there be light, he said move your fat butt out of the way.
Yo momma is so dumb she got hit by a park car.
Yo momma is so dumb she tripped over a cordless phone.
Yo momma is so fat she uses a mattress as a tampon.
Yo momma is so fat she put on a pair of Guess Jeans and the answer popped out.
Yo momma's so fat, she irons her clothes on the drive way!
Yo momma's glasses are so thick, when she looks at a map she sees people waving.
Yo momma's so fat, she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for the new world!
Yo momma's so ugly, when you look up "ugly" in the dictionary, there's a picture of her!
Yo momma's so short, she does back flips under the bed!
Yo momma is like a shotgun, one cock and she'll blow
Yo momma's so fat she can't even fit in the chat room.
Yo Momma's so fat she gets her toenails painted at Lucky's Auto Body.
Your momma's armpits so stink she put on Right Guard and it went left.
Your momma's like a hardware store, 5 cents a screw.
Your momma's house is so small, when you buy a large pizza you have to go outside and eat it
Your momma's so hairy they filmed Gorillas in the Mist in her shower!
Yo momma's got more mileage then a New York city taxi.
Yo momma's face is so pimply that her tears need a 4x4 to get down her face.
Yo momma's so loose, she jerks herself with the fat end of a baseball bat.
Yo momma so poor when I rang the doorbell she stuck her head out the window and yelled ding dong.
Yo momma so stupid, she took a spoon to the Super Bowl.
Yo momma's so poor, she has to hang toilet paper out to dry.
Yo momma's so poor, when I stepped on a lit match in her house, she yelled "Who turned off the furnace"!
Yo momma's so poor, she can't get rid of the roaches in her house 'cause they pay half the rent!
Yo momma's feet are so crusty, when she walks on a wooden floor, it sounds like she's tap dancing.
Yo momma's like a pie, everybody gets a piece.
Yo momma's so fat that when she asked for a water bed, they threw a blanket over the pacific ocean.
Yo momma's like a "Happy Meal" small, cheap and greasy!
Your momma's so fat, your family pictures have to be taken by a satellite!
Your momma's like the village bicycle, everybody gets a ride.
Yo momma's got a party in her mouth tonight, and everybody's cumming.
Yo momma's so short, she can sit on a dime and swing her legs.
Yo mama so skinny her pyjamas only have one stripe.
Your mommas so ugly the army doesn't use guns any more, they use her picture.
You're mama is so poor that she chases the garbage truck with a shopping list.
Yo momma is so fat she caught a flesh-eating virus... and that was three years ago.
Yo momma so short she can hang glides Doritos.
Your mother is so fat she asked for a water bed and they put a blanket over the ocean.
Yo Momma's so fat, when she walks by the TV I miss a season of Friends.
Yo momma's so stupid she sold her car for gas money.
Yo mamma so old she has the autographed version of the Bible.
Yo Mamas so stupid she locked herself in the bathroom and pissed her pants.
Yo mama's so poor, she chases a garbage truck with a grocery list!
Yo momma so ugly all the neighbours pitched in for curtains.
Yo momma's so short she did a suicide jump off the curb.
Yo momma's so short, you could see her feet on her driver license.
Yo momma's so stupid, she call you a son of a bitch.
Yo momma's so fat she's got more rolls than a bakery.
Yo momma is so fat she falls off both sides of the bed.
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